After a traumatic experience, the human system of self-preservation seems to go onto permanent alert, as if the danger might return at any moment.
I admire people who choose to smile after all the things they’ve been through.
I’m stronger because I had to be. I’m smarter because of my mistakes. I’m happier because I’ve overcome the sadness I have known and I’m wiser because I’ve learned from my life.
I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.
The relevant question in psychiatry shouldn’t be what’s wrong with you, but what happened to you.
Trauma shatters your most basic assumptions about yourself and your world – “Life is good,” “I’m safe,” “People are kind,” “I can trust others,” “The future is likely to be good” – and replaces them with feelings like “The world is dangerous,” “I can’t win,”“I can’t trust other people …”
1. Try to give it form and to put it into words. Don’t allow it to be shapeless as that’s harder to resolve.
2. Agree that you will look at it and not ignore the pain – as any unexpressed emotions lead to problems later on.
3. Avoid triggers and memories that take you back in time, and open up old wounds, so you experience pain again.
4. Ground yourself in the present and who you are today – and remember you have strengths, and good people in your life.
5. Don’t allow the hurt and pain to take control of who you are, or limit what you’ll do, or the goals you set yourself.
6. Spend as much time as you can with those who care and treat you well – with those who see your worth, and truly love and value you.
Healing is layers. Healing is time. Healing is excruciating. Once you think it’s done, it’s not.
The soul usually knows what it needs to do to heal itself. The challenge is to quieten the mind.
Being raised in an unstable household makes you understand that the world doesn’t exist to accommodate you, which… is something a lot of people struggle to understand well into their adulthood. It makes you realize how quickly a situation can shift, how danger really is everywhere. But crises when they occur, do not catch you off guard; you have never believed you lived under a shelter of some essential benevolence. And an unstable childhood makes you appreciate calmness and not crave excitement.